Updated: Jul 7, 2021
Blame Sharing. We are all aware of blame-shifting. We have done it by blaming our spouses, bosses, co-workers, etc. We have all had it done to us by the same people. It is most evident as we watch children interact with one another and listen to them blame each other for the fights, disagreements, stinginess, etc. However, there is another take on blame-shifting that Welch calls blame-sharing.
Blame-sharing feels more sophisticated, but it is simply a repackaging of blaming others. Welch describes what it sounds like. "I know that I am a sinner. I've admitted to my part. Now she has to accept responsibility for her sin." "I don't mind owning what is mine, but he is not confessing his part in this."
The most common form of blame-sharing is among married people. They want their spouses to accept at least half of all the sins in the relationship. Note a few things about blame-sharing. 1) We want to other person to admit their part before we are willing to fully admit our part, 2) If we attempt to pathetically own our part, but our spouse refuses to own any part of the problem, watch our response (typically taking back our anemic apology added with anger), or 3) If our spouse sins, we are adamant that they must accept full blame and that we are innocent.
Blame-sharing is indicative of simmering anger. It is rooted in pride that says "I am better than them, therefore they must be partially to blame for my behavior."
Humility responds by recognize how bad we really are. Whatever another person does, there is a high likelihood that we are able to top their sin. We recognize that we are worse than we think. Matthew 7:4 reminds us to pull the beam out of our own eye before attempting to spot the splinter in the eye of another person. We must own our own sin and humbly admit our part and our full culpability in our own sin. We cannot blame-shift or blame-share.
It is when we fully accept our own actions that we can fully receive the grace and mercy that God has richly made available to us.